What’s My Name?

From: Garrett Maher <maher.garrett@gmail.com>
To: Mom-Mom <mmteeple@verizon.net>
Date: Apr 8, 2011 10:59 AM
Subject: What’s My Name?

Hi Mom-Mom,

Do you know what my name is? I thought my name was Garrett Francis Maher but they hardly ever call me that. I've noticed some trends in the way they address me. Most commonly they refer to me as Monkey. Daddy usually calls me Buddy. They call me Elephant, but only when I'm wet. They seem to call me Handsome Pants when I'm all dressed up and Tootie-Patrootie when I fart. Sometimes they even have the audacity to call me Chunky Chicken! Don't they know I'm in the 50th percentile for weight? There's no chunk on this Chicken. Help if you can. It's important I get this cleared up. I need to know what my name is!

Love,

???